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[HKALE] UE作文,希望大家俾d意見

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The average weight of a Form 3 student’s school bag isnow 5 kg. Your school has organised a campaign to lighten school bags byencouraging students not to bring unnecessary items to school. However, youfeel that students are not the only ones responsible for the weight problem.Write a letter to the editor of the Hong Kong Post saying what you thinkshould be done by textbook publishers, schools and/or students to improve thesituation. Sign your name ‘Chris Wong’.

Dear Editor,

Recently, some researches have pointed out the averageweight of a Form 3 students’ school bag is overweight at 5 kg. As students’health would be harmed by bearing heavy school bags, we should tackle theproblem as soon as possible. Some believe that only encouraging students not tobring unnecessary items to school can change this situation effectively.However, I think students are not the only ones who responsible for the schoolbags’ weight problem. Textbook publishers, schools also bear obligation on thisissue.

First let me introduce what students could do to reducethe weight of school bags.

To lighten the weight of school bags ofstudents, students should tidy up their school bags every day. The schooltimetable reveals which lessons students should take every day. Students can decidewhich books should be put on the school bags accordingly.

Also, there is no doubt that some students have beenbringing some unnecessary items such as comic books, magazines, NDS players tothe schools which are not relevant to study. These items not only increase theschool bags’ weight, they also affect the study atmosphere at school. Students bringthese items to school represents they look school as a place for entertainmentrather than for study. Therefore, there are no reasons for these needless itemsexist in students’ school bags.

The schools also play a crucial part on thisissue. Some schoolshave organized campaigns in order to raise students’ awareness on theconsequence caused by bearing a heavy school bag. This alert message was givento students to stimulate them to tidy up their school bags every day.

Also, schools can raid on students’school bags to locate if their school bags are overweight and punishment shouldbe put on students accordingly. It is a effective deterrent as most of thestudents are worried to be punished.

In response to the needs ofstudents, it is advisable for schools provide lockers to students. First, students wouldn’t forgetto bring their textbooks to schools because all the books are in the schools’lockers. Second, students can leave the textbooks and exercise books which theydon’t need in lockers. Athough a lot of money as it may cost, it is worth forschools provide lockers to studends.

Ourtextbooks are expected to use one or more than one years. The large amount ofcontent makes our textbooks heavy. It is the main reason why our students’school bags are overweight. I suggest the textbook publishers divide the traditionaltextbooks to different booklets. For example, the chapter1 and2 of the books isone set and the rest is another set. Students just need to bring the bookletsthey need to schools. Moreover, textbook publishers could use light papers instantof heavy ones so as to lighten the books weight. Then, the weight of students’school bags can be reduced rapidly.


Because of the foregoing, thethree parties should handle the problem with cooperation. First, studentsshould do their best on tidy up their school bags every day. Second, schoolsshould provide supports and formulate feasible scheme to help students to lightentheir school bags. Third, schools should response the problems to textbookpublishers. That textbook publisher can make improvement accordingly. The students’school bags overweight problem can be tackled or not hindes on the decision ofstudents, schools and textbooks publishers. I hope the weight of school bagscan be reduced to an acceptable level.




[ 本帖最後由 998877123 於 2010-3-13 02:50 PM 編輯 ]



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[隱藏]
有人可以幫我嗎??


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1.Dear Editor X
   Dear sir O

2.This is a letter. Do not miss your name
   Yours faithfully,
   Chris Wong






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引用:
原帖由 HaYaTe 於 2010-3-9 02:02 AM 發表
1.Dear Editor X
   Dear sir O

2.This is a letter. Do not miss your name
   Yours faithfully,
   Chris Wong
1.但係我寫俾editor,唔可以寫 Dear editor架??
2.係喎,唔記得咗

唔該曬你



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[隱藏]
push~~~~~~~


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i need your feekback


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Don't drink the above poison lah-0-
"Dear Editor," is perfectly alright.. but it's rather American way of saying it..
to keep it formal and play safe, "Dear Sir/Madam," is an alternative.

Yeah.. and remember,
use "Yours faithfully," when you don't know who that guy is.. (e.g. Editor, Sir/Madam)
"Yours sincerely," for someone you know but not super close (e.g. Mr. Wong, Mrs. Lo)
"Best wishes" "Regards" those things are relatively informal and are used when you're addressing to your friends or someone relatively closer


just skimmed through it didn't read in great details
but I find i quite weird when you start straightaway by giving out suggestions on what different parties can do... (though this is basically what you're required to write about)
I guess it's more logical for you to explain a bit why you think it's the problem of the school and parents or whatever, why they have the obligation to solve the problem

basically... the flow is quite okay, quite clear, quite readable, despite a couple of grammatical mistakes
so I guess it isn't a bad example?



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引用:
原帖由 YOICHIHIRUMA 於 2010-3-14 06:07 PM 發表
Don't drink the above poison lah-0-
"Dear Editor," is perfectly alright.. but it's rather American way of saying it..
to keep it formal and play safe, "Dear Sir/Madam," is an alternative.

Yeah..  ...
多謝你既回覆~
另外我想問我老師話唔洗記Yours faithfully同Yours sincerely
全部用yours truly就ok
咁得唔得呢?






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引用:
原帖由 998877123 於 2010-3-14 09:37 PM 發表
多謝你既回覆~
另外我想問我老師話唔洗記Yours faithfully同Yours sincerely
全部用yours truly就ok
咁得唔得呢?
Dear Editor/ 校長既話我其實間唔中都會用Yours truly, 係無問題的



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引用:
原帖由 YOICHIHIRUMA 於 2010-3-14 09:53 PM 發表


Dear Editor/ 校長既話我其實間唔中都會用Yours truly, 係無問題的
咁就唔洗花腦容量記上面果兩舊野



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引用:
原帖由 998877123 於 2010-3-8 02:15 AM 發表
The average weight of a Form 3 student’s school bag isnow 5 kg. Your school has organised a campaign to lighten school bags byencouraging students not to bring unnecessary items to school. However, y ...
However, I think students are not the only ones(one) who need to be responsible for the school bags’ weight problem(the problem of school bag's weight) . Textbook publishers (and )schools also bear obligation on this issue.

First (fristly,) let me introduce what students could(can) do to reduce the weight of school bags.

The schooltimetable reveals (indicates) which lessons students should take every day. Students can decide which books should be put on(into) the school bags .

Also, there is no doubt that some students have brought some unnecessary items such as comic books, magazines and NDS players to the school . In fact , these items are not relate to studies.

Some schools have organized campaigns in order to raise students’ awareness on the consequences which are caused by bearing a heavy school bag. This  message stimulates students  to tidy up their school bags every day.

Also, schools can raid on students’school bags to locate if their school bags are overweight and punishment shouldbe put on students accordingly. It is a effective deterrent as most of thestudents are worried to be punished. (Bad idea. It is impossible for schools to do this)

In response to the needs of students, it is advisable for schools to provide lockers to students.( To tackle this problem , schools can provide  lockers to students.)

Firstly, students wont forget to bring their textbooks to schools because all the books are in the schools’lockers. Secondly, students can leave the textbooks and exercise books in the lockers when they don’t need them . Athough a lot of money as it may cost, it is worth for schools to provide lockers to studends.

Ourtextbooks are expected to use one or more than one years. The large amount ofcontent makes our textbooks heavy. It is the main reason why our students’school bags are overweight. I suggest the textbook publishers divide the traditionaltextbooks to different booklets. For example, the chapter1 and2 of the books isone set and the rest is another set. Students just need to bring the bookletsthey need to schools. Moreover, textbook publishers could use light papers instantof heavy ones so as to lighten the books weight. Then, the weight of students’school bags can be reduced rapidly.(it is nonsense to say that the textbooks are expected to use one or more than one years. Hoever, the later part of the idea is good!)

Because of the foregoing, thethree parties should handle the problem with cooperation. First, studentsshould do their best on tidy up their school bags every day. Second, schoolsshould provide supports and formulate feasible scheme to help students to lightentheir school bags. Third, schools should response the problems to textbookpublishers. That textbook publisher can make improvement accordingly. The students’school bags overweight problem can be tackled or not hindes on the decision ofstudents, schools and textbooks publishers. I hope the weight of school bagscan be reduced to an acceptable level.( using ' In short' at the begining will be better. This can make the marker easier follow. Also, personally , I dont think it is good to put all points simplely in the last paragragh. It looks like too dry. You are better to summarize the points shorter and simpler.)

在下仍係學生, 可能會才疏. 請見諒.
但以我個人之見 , 太多misstakes ....應該最多只能level 2 到.
祝好運








[ 本帖最後由 lamkit17 於 2010-3-15 03:20 AM 編輯 ]



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引用:
原帖由 lamkit17 於 2010-3-15 03:16 AM 發表


However, I think students are not the only ones(one) who need to be responsible for the school bags’ weight problem(the problem of school bag's weight) . Textbook publishers (and )schools also be ...
students are not the only oneS blahblahblah無問題



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唔該曬你呀~

我想問下:
to the school <--to the 之後係唔係一定係單數??
consequences which are<---點解要加which??我昨天做proofreading,好多題目都漏咗who,which...不過我都唔知幾時要加幾時唔洗加

又係level 2  即係溫咗成年都無進步







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(1) to the school <--to the 之後係唔係一定係單數??
(2) consequences which are <-點解要加which??我昨天做proofreading,好多題目都漏咗who,which...不過我都唔知幾時要加幾時唔洗加

(1) 要睇番你想指明係一間學校定係你指明既有多過一間學校囉, 不過如果唔加"S"既話都可以解作將所有學校as a whole咁睇, 中文即係會譯做"校方":
e.g.
To the school, students should be their valuables./ (對校方泥講, 學生係佢地既寶物)/ (對果間學校泥講, 學校係佢地既寶物)
To schools, students should be their valuables. 對所有學校泥講, 學生係佢地既寶物)
如果你想講既係幾間學校... let's say 政府派d物資畀新界d學校:
The government allocated its resources to the schoolS in the New Territories.
* "to the" 無乜significance, 唔係話to the後面就一定有定無s

(2) 其實好易ga ja... 睇番你relative adjective (i.e. which, who, whose etc)之前個字係咩性質囉..
咁"consequences"(後果)係死物泥嫁嘛... 死物咪用which囉
如果係Mary咁咪who囉(不過要睇清楚你係想講Mary個人本身定係Mary有既野(<-whose then)
e.g. I love Mary, who is 20 years old. 我愛瑪莉(哇死, 唔識譯!)... (um, 算了, 如果你唔明我再解啦)
e.g. I love Mary, whose hair is 10 inches long.
如果講時間既, 咪when囉: "I can still remember the TIME *WHEN* we were together."
如果講地方, of course用where: "I am living in a PLACE *WHERE* people around speak in English."



有咁差meh? 我覺得level 2 (E) 果d文應該係readability勁低, 要睇勁多次先會明你講乜果種wor
你篇文grammar雖然唔係好好, 但起碼我睇得明... (不過其實我都係skim, 無read...)



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引用:
原帖由 YOICHIHIRUMA 於 2010-3-16 10:29 AM 發表
(1) to the school  
好清楚呀~~~完全明白~~~謝謝你
我補習補咗成堂都唔夠你講幾句



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