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[教師求職信]請幫忙看一下文法和其他錯漏,感謝

[教師求職信]請幫忙看一下文法和其他錯漏,感謝 E-mail 此主題給朋友

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Dear Principal,

I am applying the Chinese graduate master position posted on xxxxxxx.com. Secondary education is full of challenges now since it is facing a huge and unpredictable resulted change in the whole system, but I believe that my experiences and enthusiasm can help me to overcome all the problems I will meet.

I studied Chinese at XXXXU and I graduated in 200X. I can teach both junior and senior Mathematics and Chinese. I had been a part time Chinese teacher of XXXXXXX Education Centre when I was year 2 and 3. Now I am a full time Chinese teacher there and my duties are listed in the resume that sent with this letter.

I am an experienced Chinese teacher and I am well-prepared to teach. I have a well understanding of the new 334 system and I know how the Chinese courses will look like after the reformation.

I believe that schools and teachers play an important role in education since I am a beneficiary. I got only 5 points in my first HKCEE and I caught a chance of repeating F5. I met some excellent teachers and I got 25 finally. I recognized that education can really change the life of somebody. It is a massive job and I believe that it is my lifelong career.

I visited the web site of your school and I found that the school founding principles and my aspirations are perfectly matched. I hope I can have a chance to work with you and help more students to grow or renew their life like how my teachers had done to me.

I am looking forward to speaking with you about the future development of the school and how I can work for it.

Yours Sincerely,
XXXXX
01/01/09



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引用:
原帖由 凌操 於 2009-4-24 02:37 PM 發表

01/01/09

Dear Principal,

I am applying (for) the Chinese graduate master position posted on xxxxxxx.com. Secondary education is full of challenges now since it is facing a difficult and unpredictable change in the system (原句唔係好明你想up乜). I, however, believe that my experience and enthusiasm in teaching help me to overcome the problems encountered.

I studied Chinese at XXXXU and I graduated in 200X. I am compentent in teaching both junior and senior Mathematics and Chinese. I have been a part time Chinese teacher of XXXXXXX Education Centre when I was studying year two and year three. I am a full time Chinese teacher of the education centre now and my duties are listed in the resume enclosed.

I am an experienced Chinese teacher and I am well-prepared for each lesson. I have a well (good) understanding of the new school system. I know how the Chinese Language courses will be after the reformation.

I believe that schools and teachers play an important role in one's life. (寫過啦.. 文意不清啦...). I have got only 5 points in my first HKCEE but I was given a chance for repeating Form 5. I met excellent teachers and I finally got 25 points. I realized that education influences the life of a student. It is a massive job and I believe that it is my lifelong career (你想up 乜??).

I have visited your official website. The school principles perfectly matched with my teaching philosophy. I hope I will be given a chance to be a member of your school and make contribution to your students.

I am looking forward to speaking (talking) with you about the future development of your school and showing you how I am prepared to contribute to the whole person development of your students.

Yours Sincerely,
XXXXX
你封letter 應該加番apply 什麼post..唔係內文先寫..而係有個heading.. 等hr 第日做database 時方便d.... 你既contact 資料係當眼處.. 方便hr聯絡你
同埋, 你apply 中文老師, 會唔會打中文application letter 更好呢?
仲有, 好大問題係: 你講唔到你有乜非請你不可既個人& 過人條件

*已經將第位網友prove read 咗既加埋上去, 不過都係果句.. 用中文會有說服力好多啦

[ 本帖最後由 kcarol 於 2009-4-25 12:34 PM 編輯 ]



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樓主等陣先
你教中文, 點解唔寫中文信, 以顯示實力
你對自己英文無信心就無謂自暴其短
商界/ 政府就話九成九必寫英文






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引用:
原帖由 凌操 於 2009-4-24 02:37 PM 發表
Dear Principal,

I am applying the Chinese graduate master position posted on xxxxxxx.com. Secondary education is full of challenges now since it is facing a huge and unpredictable resulted change i ...
99.9%GAME OVER。完全無相關訓練(PGDE),教中文有無普通話基準?教數學你夠唔夠本科生爭?今年,一堆古靈精怪o既phD都來中學見工,你有乜野比佢突出?去教育討論區見識多D,再打過另一封信。



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我唔得閒改晒,改下d其他人未改過既先啦..

1)I am applying FOR the Chinese graduate master position posted on xxxxxxx.com.

2) I have a well understanding -> I have a GOOD understanding
understaing 係 noun, well 係 adv, good 係 adj.

3) I am looking forward to speaking with you ... ->
I am looking forward to speaking TO you ...  (單向)or
I am looking forward to TALKING with you ..(雙向) 

其實...睇完你封信,個人覺得,你會做到GM既機會,真係近乎0..
不如改用中文啦



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多謝各位指教...我知我英文真係差
真係唔該哂各位



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引用:
原帖由 凌操 於 2009-4-24 08:23 PM 發表
多謝各位指教...我知我英文真係差
真係唔該哂各位
最重要係你無表現到你邊一D 特質可以幫你做到呢份工
既然呢份工係教中文, 咁你應該表現出你既<中文> 語言及書寫能力, 未見你個人唔知你講成點, 咁最少睇你封信, 要知你寫得, 同埋可以提到其他QUALITY, 令校長對你有興趣
如果你識講國語, 甚至已經過埋基準, 考埋什麼國家什麼什麼試, 呢D應該HIGHLIGHT 出黎, 因為呢D 係一D 實質既ACHIEVEMENT, 係由外界去評定你, 而唔係你自己吹出黎
又或者你教緊既中心, 有邊D工作係MATCH到學校, 可以等個校長信任你, 唔會因為你教補習社而DOWNGRADE 你
又例如, 你知道新334學制會令中文科之後變成點, 咁唔夠, 因為呢D 係好FACTUAL 既野, 上網已經可以搵到資料, 你應該講多少少, 你唔止知道之後既情況, 你仲已經well-informed, well-prepared, 你已經準備咗一d strategy 去應付之後既問題, 等個校長對你有信心, 亦覺得你俾其他candidate 更有遠見, 更efficient

[ 本帖最後由 kcarol 於 2009-4-25 12:36 PM 編輯 ]



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誤人子弟





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太多"I"字,感覺自我中心,建議用一些被動式,多些變化。


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